The No Test
We have a problem. Most people are not having fun, avoid discomfort at all costs, and find themselves numbed by their unique challenges. They are frozen by habit, stuck in judgment, sadness, and blame, trapped by anxiety and fear, overwhelmed by anger, and undermined by the lie that they are inherently worthless, weak, or stupid. The result is they find themselves unable to connect.
Some people are more fortunate. They feel the presence of love, have identified some insight, and recognize their own progress; however they are still stuck. They have not discovered a method to recognize how the lessons of Life are designed to help them. In Living Yes terms, the problem is: How do we identify the “no” moments which separate us, so that we can choose “yes” moments which reconnect us to others, ourselves, and the very universe in which we live?
Take a Fearless Inventory.
What happens if I live yes? What's in it for me?
Let’s start with where you are right now.
How do you know if you're living yes or dying no? Review the Twelve Subject Dying No Inventory.
1. Personal Growth
Do you say you're "fine" or "okay" when you're not? Does life seem like it can get better but you don't know how? Do you think you’re stuck? Do you wonder how to grow? Do you wish you better understood why you do the things you do? Do you think that you've reached as much contentment as you can? Do you think you are about as happy as you'll ever get? Do you wish your spiritual life was stronger? Do you have trouble believing that there are more possibilities for what your life will become? Do you want more in your life than the way it is now?
Is your health deteriorating because you don’t take care of your diet? Is your health deteriorating because you don’t move your body or exercise enough? Do you dislike the way you look? Do you handle pain and disease badly? Are you unable to get to the big picture when you are hurting? Are you unwilling to be hopeful even when you know that a situation is temporary? Do you refuse to take sick days when you need them? Do you push yourself too much? Do you take too many sick days? Do you wish you were more disciplined?
Do you suffer in relationships? Are you unlucky in love? Is dating something for other people, not for you? Have you had too many painful breakups to try again? Do you have difficulty getting along with strangers? Do you have difficulty getting along with family members? Do you think there are not enough supportive people in your life? Are there too many people bugging you? Do you isolate yourself because you’re afraid of people? Is television your best friend? Do you act with people in ways you later regret? Do you fail to live up to your own moral standards? Do you take the easy way out when you know it’s not right?
Is work unsatisfying? Do you think your work is just a job? Do you have stress with bosses, co-workers, underlings? Do you dislike your role at work? Do you have bad credit? Do you give money away too easily? Do you exchange money for love? Do you have trouble paying attention to money except when you don’t have it? Do you hoard money? Do you waste money? Do you have to get a bigger house, nicer car, more clothes, more stuff?
Do you have trouble having fun? Are you unwilling to play? Is it impossible to relax and have a good time? Are you often thinking about all the things you can no longer do because of your current physical limits? Do you wonder why you don’t do the things you used to like to do?
6. Habit Patterns
Do you behave out of habit? Are you always doing the “same ol’ same ol’”? Do you go along with the crowd because that’s how you’ve always done it? Do you do what others want you to do because that’s who you are? Do you follow old patterns because your parents did it that way? Do you follow old patterns because your friends do it that way? Do you defend everything you do without considering you may be wrong? Or on the flip side, do you believe all your thoughts are wrong and not one can be right?
Do you get irritated with little things? Do you get annoyed too quickly? Do you become frustrated, mad, or angry more easily than you wish? Do you wish you got along with people better? Does your mind race with thoughts about recent decisions you have made? Do you avoid making decisions? Are you eaten up by long-held resentments? Are you upset that your efforts go unrewarded and unrecognized? Is life supposed to be different, easier? Does reality suck? Do you have a strong desire for others to change, so that your life will go more smoothly? Do you do anything you can to please others or to be liked by others? Do you demand events in the past were different? Do you spend lots of energy thinking about this? Do you put up with people and events just to get by?
Do you blame others for things that happen to you? Do you find you don’t have enough patience? Do you have trouble tolerating the way others behave? Do you rebel, reject, or resign when things don’t go your way? Do you judge others often? Do you judge yourself often? Do you have to be right, attractive, moral, sensitive, likable, loving? Are you stubborn? Do you punish yourself when you fall short of your own self demands and expectations?
9. Unhealthy desires
Do you have trouble shaking bad behaviors? Do you put things off a lot? Are you unable to manage how much you eat? Do you follow your own unhealthy desires for soothing with alcohol, bars, food, gambling, sex, strip clubs, drugs, or other behaviors you know are not in your best interest? Do you behave like an addict: no matter what you think is best, you do the worst? Do you enable an addict? Do you want these things to change? Do you have trouble taking personal responsibility for that change? Are you interested in learning to stop dying no and instead learn to live yes? Are you letting your mind take over now with thoughts of “I can’t” or other rattling doubts? Do you think most of the world is stuck in the same suffering trap that you are? Do you limit yourself by cutting yourself down?
Are you often sad or depressed? Even in the smallest way, do you feel sad and hopeless? Do you sadly think about past failures? Are you lacking any pleasure, feeling guilty, always expecting punishment, disliking yourself? Do you criticize and blame yourself, cry often, feel agitated, irritated? Have you lost interest in people or things? Do you find it hard to make decisions? Do you hold yourself as worthless, unlovable, have low energy, sleep too much or too little? Are you irritable, eating more or less than before, finding it hard to concentrate, feeling tired all the time? Have you lost interest in sex? Do you masturbate all the time? Do you cry when you don’t want to?
Do you think that something’s not right with the world? Does life not seem like it’s supposed to be? Do you wonder what is the meaning of our lives, and particularly of your life? Do you think that “something’s wrong with me?” Do you have little or lessening hope for the future? Do you think your mind works against you and those thoughts will keep working against you no matter what? When you get stressed, do you believe that you are broken, unlovable, worthless, weak, unimportant, not good enough? Have you lost the spiritual life that you use to have? Have you stopped praying, reading, singing, meditating, or going to a place of worship that you once enjoyed? Do you wish you were never born or wish life was just over? (Important note: if you have intention or plan to commit suicide, seek help from a medical professional immediately, go to an emergency room, or if in the USA, call 911. In China dial 1-1-9.)
Are you worrying or nervous, even a little? Are you often frightened, nervous, or anxious? Are you quick to panic? Do you avoid situations where you might panic? Are you afraid to speak in groups, afraid of others seeing you, afraid of animals, bugs, heights, tight spaces, airplanes, doctors, dentists, thunder, lightning, your own blood, afraid of becoming sick? Are you restless, keyed up, or irritable? Are your muscles too tense? Are you excessively neat or too messy? Do you use magical rituals to relieve anxiety? Do you avoid thinking about past horrors? Do you have nightmares or flashbacks about them? Do you feel emotionally numb, detached, or easily startled? Are you unable to have your back to the door in a restaurant? Do you feel worse during certain times of year or times of day?
These are the areas where you are less aware and where you are dying no in some way in your life. The next step is to make a commitment to learn how to live yes!